Allow me to introduce myself...

My friend “Date Me” asked me to start contributing to this here blog he had started. Like Date Me I’m hoping that writing in this blog will provide me with the ability to entertain some folks while I screw up, repair, lament over and eventually maybe figure out my love life. Unlike Date Me I’m not one to go through methods such as craigslist and rarely do I find myself struggling with the thought of what’s right or wrong. One of my strongest suits through life as well as my biggest fault is that I’m the type of guy up for adventure but often too chicken shit to spark the plan myself. Also I almost never leave Brooklyn.
This being the plan I will write about my encounters with women I meet through my traditional methods, picking them up at bars and shows/being picked up at bars/shows.
A good example of this was a recent Friday evening, having gotten a later start on the evening I found myself drinking with the most boring friends of a friend’s girlfriend ever. I stumbled out of a local watering hole, a few whiskey’s deep and looking for a cigarette. The first girl I asked for a cigarette offered me a rollie and while I rolled commented that she thought I was cute. Having heard this from time to time in my life I wasn’t shocked to hear it coming out of a seemingly attractive young blonde woman. I respond with a casual, “you’re not so bad yourself” and start conversation, quickly she invites me to join her and her friend at another bar just across the neighborhood. The short walk there included the typical small talk as well as a few pauses to make out.
Around 4 I do out my tab at this second bar, a whopping 6 dollars spent on 3 PBR, and meander outside to decide where my night is headed, I didn’t have to go home but I can’t stay here, Blondie’s friend says she really needs to use the bathroom and I offer a short stop at my office.
Once there, Blondie, the Tinkler and myself decide to grab some Sparks and a pack of cigarettes and hang out for a minute in my office. Stumbling from the couch to the restroom I realize the Tinkler not only didn’t flush the toilet(eww) but also left a used tampon on the floor of my office bathroom. Not the end of the world but certainly leaves me less interested in Blondie. We part ways around 7 and I go home for a brief but refreshing two hours of sleep.
I wake up Saturday to a nagging hangover and the remembrance that I agreed to hang out with Blondie that evening, I called her to let her know I wasn’t up for it that night and made plans for a drink Monday.
Monday rolls around and despite my best intentions we agree to meet at a bar near a recent ex’s house, an hour or so before I call for a change of venue and we meet up at a quiet place nearer to her home than mine. I arrive slightly before she does and order a bourbon, she arrives near the end of my drink and orders herself a “cheap beer” I agree, order one as well and pay for the round, she seems surprised that I bought the round.
My first thoughts are that this girl doesn’t expect people to pay for her which is nice but while looking at her in this thought I realized that maybe I had had a few more than I should have on Friday and not only is this girl not cute but there’s no way she could pass for the 24 year old(my age) she led me to believe she was, it’s later revealed she’s 28.
An hour of awkward and boring small talk ensues and I ask if she’d like a second drink, “I’m still working on this one, but you go ahead” she says and I order a second round.
At this point it’s getting close to 10:30 or so and I’ve realized not only do I find this poor girl horribly boring but she’s also revealed that she had lied to me about her age, her job and not that it matters anymore than the other two but about having graduated from college. I can’t find an out in the conversation but notice our drinks are both empty so I ask if she’d like another,

“If I have another I’ll be feeling a bit drunk and I can’t have that on a work night”.

Clearly this girl and I have very little in common, I am by no means an alcoholic but I do drink on a regular basis and someone who can’t have more than one drink on a week night is clearly not someone I could hang out with regularly.
I fumble with thoughts of an escape plan and finally blurt out “Well, it is getting kind of late I should be headed home” her response “do you want to go back to my place?”
Now I don’t think of myself as the type of guy that goes home with random women but I also have trouble being rude to women so once or twice I’ve found myself in a woman’s bedroom for lack of a decent escape route. This night was no different.
We walk the two blocks to her apartment over which she warns me that her room is a bit of a mess. That statement wouldn’t have more of an understatement if she had called the Iraq war a “small mistake” or the Melvins as “just a metal band”.
A mattress on the floor surrounded by used paper coffee cups, all of which were filled with cigarette butts. In the far corner next a dresser that’s falling apart and just the other side of a mound of laundry she claims to be clean but the scent of which screams otherwise is an overflowing cat box. I try my best to ignore the surroundings and mess around with this girl. All is going well until the middle of everything when she asks me if I’m going to spend the night, I claim an early meeting and hit the road as soon as I can.
This whole situation begs the question of why I let myself get into this sort of situation. I can’t really say, do I do it because I’m so starved for sex that I’m afraid I might not have the chance again for months? Do I do it simply so I can tell the story to the horrified faces of friends and relatives? Or do I do it because like everyone else I’m simply trying to find how I fit into the dating game? Whatever the case I always find myself at least fairly entertaining in retrospect and I hope you find it the same.